Jake isn’t selfish, you idiot: a Homestuck rant

Tex Talks and optimisticDuelist apparently believe that Knights are a passive class and Pages an active one. There are really a lot of reasons I have to disagree with that reading. Since Tex hasn’t talked much about it, I’ll be writing this as an open letter response to oD’s response to my ask here (and I’ve read the more detailed posts he links to, but most of the meat of this particular theory is in that post). For simplicity I’ll be covering subjects in the order they were summarized over there.

Way too much Homestuck analysis incoming, including unmarked spoilers. Read at your own risk. No, seriously, I get too deep into these things.

(Thanks to tripheus and Archiewhite for proofreading.)

Continue reading “Jake isn’t selfish, you idiot: a Homestuck rant”

Dream moon theory upd8: Are you a hero?

My theory on dream moons has been almost completely replaced with a newer, much simpler analysis: if you consider yourself a hero, you dream on Prospit, otherwise you dream on Derse. This conveniently eliminates almost all of my overriding rules (except the Doom player rule). Thanks to DinceJof for saying this to Archie, who said it to me — if you know where it comes from earlier than that, please let me know.

Red herring. (cool and new part tw”o”)

EDIT 7 hours later: I’m an idiot, it’s 413-612-1025.

On this page of cool and new web comic, we learn that AV/{s] every one; enter Hecka Jef‘s IP address is (o mistakenly spells it with an extra zero.) This IP address is registered with TE Data in Egypt. It appears to be running a web server, but it doesn’t actually have any page – it’s possible that you have to be on a whitelist to access it. I nmap‘d it, and the results are:

viko ~/git
 --> /usr/local/Cellar/nmap/7.40/bin/nmap -Pn

Starting Nmap 7.40 ( https://nmap.org ) at 2017-01-07 11:08 CST
Nmap scan report for host- (
Host is up (0.21s latency).
Not shown: 991 closed ports
23/tcp   filtered  telnet
80/tcp   filtered  http
135/tcp  filtered  msrpc
139/tcp  filtered  netbios-ssn
443/tcp  filtered  https
445/tcp  filtered  microsoft-ds
554/tcp  filtered  rtsp
593/tcp  filtered  http-rpc-epmap
1025/tcp filtered  NFS-or-IIS

Nmap done: 1 IP address (1 host up) scanned in 15.79 seconds

This is an unusual amount of material, for the uninitiated.

  • telnet is an obsolete system to remotely connect to a computer and control it as if you were physically present,
  • http and https should be self-explanatory.
  • msrpc is a protocol like telnet but designed more for machine consumption than human use.
  • netbios-ssn (NetBIOS Session) is something to do with maintaining connections, I think, but I don’t know much about NetBIOS.
  • microsoft-ds is an Active Directory service handling user authentication.
  • rtsp (Real Time Streaming Protocol) is a system to deliver streaming video and audio – it doesn’t actually deliver the media, though, only control messages like pause commands. Oddly, this server doesn’t have the media server open, so I’m not entirely sure what RTSP is here for.
  • http-rpc-epmap is… something related to msrpc? I don’t have any idea what this is!
  • NFS-or-IIS is, well, either NFS (Network File System) or IIS (Internet Information Server). I don’t know what this means, or why it can’t tell. The port number is 1025, which miiiight be related, but it’s really a lot more likely to be just because 1025 is the first port number that doesn’t require administrative permissions to use on most systems. Also, port 1025 is apparently assigned to network blackjack. I don’t think that’s relevant either, but it exists, so…

All in all? A random small business and a complete waste of 20 minutes. o almost certainly just made it up on the fly. But hey, it was fun.

A thought about Heirs and Witches.

Major Homestuck spoilers ahead; hover over them to view them.

I saw a comment the other day on /r/Homestuck to the effect of “Remember when we thought Breath was about freedom? Yeah, right.” I don’t know if the comment was meant seriously or not, but it gave me a moment’s doubt, which in turn led to noticing what I think is an important factor in the Heir and Witch classes.

An Heir or Witch has too much of their aspect. To succeed, they have to work around this.

John Egbert, the Heir of Breath, Act 6 Act 6 Int. 1 thru 4 gains complete freedom when he puts his hand in the Treasure. Being a successful Heir, he recognizes that this is too much freedom to be wielded by one person, and accepts Terezi’s leadership. (This was the original counterexample in the comment I saw, but viewed in reverse.)

Equius Zahhak, the Heir of Void, inherited a place high in the hemospectrum, and used it as a buffer between himself and everyone else he interacted with. Act 5 Act 2, p. 005348 He is eventually killed by Gamzee, who is above him on the spectrum, because he wasn’t able to put it aside and fight back.

Jade Harley, the Witch of Space, grew up on an island in the Pacific, isolated from the rest of society except for her grandfather and Becquerel. She was fully aware that she was not exactly the most socially apt person ever as a result, and she submitted to others’ guidance often on that topic – for example, she was by far the most receptive of the beta kids to Karkat’s shipping grid.

Feferi Peixes, the Witch of Life, was obsessed with caring for people, and practiced this by “culling” her cuttlefish (using a very different version of the term than was used by Her Imperious Condescension). However, she became too obsessed with her cuttlefish and never managed to look past them at the injustices committed against fellow trolls in Alternian society.

Damara Megido, the Witch of Time, Act 6 Int. 3, Openbound III, p. 007298 ends up jumping around the timeline chaotically, destabilizing the Beforan session; after her death, she apparently becomes bored in the dream bubbles, and turns to rampant promiscuity to pass the time, although it’s debatable whether that could be considered a failing. Her post-scratch identity, the Handmaid, works in much the same way on Alternia to move it towards Lord English’s desired path.

Mituna Captor, the Heir of Doom, could be construed as either succeeding or failing. Openbound II He reportedly spent his entire psychic power, and a significant amount of his sanity, on “some great act of heroism”. So, uh… I dunno. As the Helmsman, at least, it is more clear-cut: he failed to contain his power and was enslaved for it.